Do you ever feel like, no matter how hard you try, it seems like you just can’t be a good wife and mom?
I’ve felt that way… for years.
Come to find out, most of the stuff I was “trying hard” about, uh… how shall we say? Just. Didn’t. Matter.
At least not as much as I thought it did.
And the reason I was so worn out, was that I working at the wrong things.
Jesus said His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. As you look over this list of 15 ways to bless your husband, you’re bound to notice:
- most of them are just flat enjoyable (relaxing more and stressing less)
- those that aren’t, don’t take much time (phone calls)
- those that DO take a little work, lead to greater rest later (meal planning, child training)
Yep. The best thing about blessing our husbands God’s way is that it’s mostly relaxing and enjoyable for us, too! So let’s get to it!
15 Ways to Bless Your Husband
Full disclosure: this post is adapted from my notes of a devotional presented by my pastor’s wife over thirty years ago. She and her husband have been happily married for over forty years. I carry those notes in my Bible, as a reminder to get back to basics.
These 15 Blessings are on a one-page graphic which you can access below the post.
1. Be interruptible. Other things can wait.
No matter what you are working on, show him he is more important than your agenda by being willing to set it aside at a moment’s notice for him. I put this first because it is where I still fail most often.
Whenever an event triggers strong feelings of sadness, gladness, regret… those are golden opportunities for us to connect. They are chances to prove our love. I wrote more about this in my book. Sometimes I am a pitifully slow learner, but I’m working on it.
2. Do for him.
Ask him for a “Honey, Let Me Do That For You” list!
His desires are to come first. Not a natural feeling, is it? You’ve heard how wives of past generations gave their husbands a “Honey Do” list? (Some still do.) Surprise him by asking for a “Honey, Let Me Do That For You” list: at the beginning of each day, ask for a list of things you can do for him. Watch your facial expressions. Look like you want to do these things.
Some examples:
- Make phone calls.
- Take returns to the local hardware store.
- Pick up his dry cleaning, or iron his shirts.
- Birthday cards to his family, friends, fellow workers
Most of the items on his “Honey Do” list for you are likely to take a fraction of the time required by the things on your “Honey Do” list for him. (My hubby’s most recent “Honey Do” task was to replace the heater in my car — an eight-hour job!)
My goal: to do at least one special thing for him every day.
3. Eliminate extra pressures and everyday decisions.
Psychology recognizes the impact of “decision fatigue” that results in deteriorating decision-making ability. This is why some millionaire businessmen (and women) wear the same thing every day, so they won’t have to make decisions about what to wear. It helps them stay sharp for important decisions. You can do the same thing for your husband.
- Lay out his clothes for work or church.
- Don’t bother him with meal planning.
- Don’t call on him to referee bickering children.
Eliminate these extra pressures for your husband, and notice how much more relaxed he becomes.
4. Encourage him.
Tell him how God used his lesson (if he’s a teacher), his song, (if he sings), his smile, thoughtful ways, efficiency, etc. to be a blessing to you. Everyone else in church may tell him how “great” he is, but he wants to hear it from you.
There is a lot of rejection in the ministry, and in business. Praise him! Leave him notes.
Be excited about intimacy. Your enthusiastic participation infuses him with confidence. Don’t act as if you’re doing him a big favor. Be his “loving hind and pleasant roe.” (Proverbs 5:19.)
Someone has said, “The devil works like crazy when we are dating someone, to get us into bed with them. Once we are married, he works even harder to keep us out!”
5. Smile! Like Little Red Riding Hood, not the Mona Lisa.
Show the world that you’re a happy camper.
In I Kings 10, the queen of Sheba visits King Solomon because of his great accomplishments and wisdom. But after she sees all of this, the queen says, “The half has not been told! Happy are your people.”
We are a walking billboard for our husbands. What does your billboard say? Our prayer should be: “God, please make my husband good, and help me to make him happy.”
6. Be satisfied.
Be content at home and protect your ministry there.
Titus 2:5 “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Be content at home. Learn to have your ministry radiate from inside your home to the outside.
If you work (either at home or outside), this is an area that can be very difficult to balance. You may receive more appreciation at your job, or feel a greater responsibility to it because the gratification for “a job well done” is so immediate… especially compared to the cumulative effect of daily choices at home.
Even if you’re a stay-at-home mom, it’s easy to get overly-busy with personal interests and activities and allow our hearts to drift. One book that was a big help to me in this area is Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No.
We don’t have to say yes to everything. In fact the most successful people, we are told, say no almost exclusively.
7. Relax. Take time to chill, Baby.
Eat meals with your family. Even if you have to follow a strict diet for medical reasons and can’t touch what they are eating. Even if the project you were working on all day isn’t nearly finished.
Speaking of dinner, is it overcooked? Scrape off the burnt parts and serve it with a smile. Think of it as a great opportunity to model gratitude for each other.
An old joke that makes me laugh and convicts me at the same time goes something like this:
Q: How many women with menopause (or PMS) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. Only one. And do you know WHY it only takes one? Because no one else in this house knows how to change a light bulb, that’s why! They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to FIND the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But — If. They. Did! By some MIRACLE actually find them, you have to know that 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE AROUND HERE! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PIG STY! IT’S A WONDER THE NEIGHBORS HAVEN’T REPORTED US ALL TO HEALTH AND SOCIAL SERVICES!!!… I’m sorry…. What was the question ???
If you recognize yourself in this joke as I do, then maybe it’s time to lighten up.
Yes, life is full of pressures and even tragedies. We can focus on the bad stuff, and help it grow bigger… Or we can focus on the good stuff. Newsflash: no guy really wants to live with a drama queen.
8. Keep your promises.
(“Whaaaat?” someone is thinking, “you just finished telling me to lighten up!”)
Yes, lighten up on your agenda, on dusting the baseboards at 2 in the morning, on your plans for summer fun and the vacation that you really do deserve… Lighten up on what you think you absolutely must do and have, to meet your unrealistic expectations of what life looks like as a perfect mom and wife.
But when it comes to the promises you make it to your husband and children, follow through even if it costs you more than you expected.
Take children to the park even if you remember something else you “must” do today. Make the unpleasant phone call for your husband. No more headaches on date night. (If you do have a headache, drink some baking soda and water and put on a happy face. Take naps. Do all you can to re-energize and be available to minister to your precious darling.)
9. Be salty!
Mark 9:50 “Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another.”
Create a desire. Be a magnet so he’ll want to come home.
Don’t call him at 4:30 PM and whine, “How soon will you be home?” Voice shaking, breathless, sounding like you are about to break out into sobs and hysteria.
I have done this. More than once. It never went well. Unsurprisingly, my husband was not eager to come on those evenings. Go figure. More about this later, too.
Dad should be mugged by faithfully adoring fans every time he walks through the front door.
This takes forethought and planning, but it can be done. It’s the best reason I know for cooking crockpot meals which are otherwise a little too casserole-ey for my taste (just sayin).
10. Be on his side.
If he is telling a story, listen as if it’s the greatest thing you’ve ever heard (even if you’ve heard it a dozen times before.).
When he has a bad day at the office, don’t offer suggestions of how he could’ve said or done something differently to handle the situation. Don’t try to help him see it from the other person’s perspective so he “won’t take it so personally.”
Listen. No need to share your wonderful insight during those times.
Just listen and be quiet. And kiss on him a lot.
11. Be his best friend.
Be excited about what he is excited about. Laugh at his jokes. “Oo” and “aw” over the fruit of his gardening efforts. Sit next to him and watch the game together. Comment on it, actually stay engaged. The dishes will wait. Better yet…
12. Teach your children to help keep house.
Help your children develop life skills. That way when Dad’s watching the game they can do the dishes, and you can be his companion.
You don’t need to be in the kitchen every night. It’s a choice you make. Change it. (This will be much easier if you start from before they can even walk: “Give the toy to Mommy so I can help you put it away.” Better yet, carry the baby over to where the toy belongs and help them drop into the container.)
13. Train your children to obey YOU.
Don’t ignore stuff until it drives you crazy and then expect Dad to fix it all. Embrace your responsibility.
Be the mom. It is not cruel or mean to require obedience and a good attitude from your children. It is cruel and even wicked to ignore unacceptable behavior and let them develop bad habits that can only make their future more difficult.
You are not a victim. You are a benevolent dictator, with God-given authority. Maintain your dignity and step into your role. As you build deeper relationships with your children, the discipline part gets easier. Good for your children, and great for you. Win-win.
14. Let your husband rule the home.
Yes, I know what year it is. I also know that God-ordained authority is an excellent opportunity for the exercise of one’s faith.
It takes faith in God to let your husband have the final say on everything.
“What if he doesn’t lead the right way? We’ll end up on the streets!”
Maybe. But there are worse things in life than losing your home.
American homes are full of little boys that need to grow up.
Guess what? Little boys grow up faster when they don’t have “little moms” rescuing them and telling them what to do.
Don’t be on his case:
- Wipe your feet, dear!
- Hang your clothes up!
- Put the toilet seat down!
Remember before marriage? “I’d do anything for him!”
Why? Because you thought you loved him. You thought you respected and admired him.
Guess what? Your husband’s failures are God’s golden opportunities to find out how much you love God and your husband, and how willing you are to obey God’s commandments.
Simple, yes. Easy, no.
Love is choosing to obey. Jesus said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” Later, the Bible says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.”
Anything with two heads is a monster. Man was made to rule. Let him rule the home. Let him be the boss.
Why is it that when our husbands offer advice we often think, “He doesn’t know anything about this topic — look at all the research I’ve done!” Imagine any Old Testament queen treating her king that way. She wouldn’t have lasted long. Yet we persist in rejecting his counsel and ignoring his requests. We tell him it’s not about the nail, and that he just doesn’t get us.
15. Express gratefulness.
Say, “Thank you!”
1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
One of the most attractive qualities a woman can have is gratefulness. But our expectations destroy gratitude.
It’s why the proverbial plumber is always the last one to fix his own leaky pipes. His wife nags and nags until he finally fixes them, and then the wife is not grateful.
Show gratefulness to those outside the family too. Show gratitude for birthday gifts, and special things done for your family. Remember, you reflect your husband!
These 15 ideas are only the tip of the iceberg to having a good marriage. Even as I read over them, I catch myself thinking, “What about me? Am I supposed to be a doormat? I have needs, too, you know!”
Yes, we have needs. No, we are not supposed to be doormats. Yet, we are to serve one another in love.
The Secret to Blessing Our Husbands
Our greatest need of all is the grace of God. Because without that, we are likely to see these ideas like a big long list of chores and obligations. If that’s your mindset, you’re missing the point.
Jesus’ yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Marriage and ministry done His way will feed your soul, not destroy it. So give these ideas a try, and see if you don’t feel a little less like a martyr.
Do you have more ideas? Leave a comment below and share what God has taught you! 🙂
For a free printable download of these ideas, click here. (No opt-in required.)